All Consuming : stilettopimps

A story about "The Holiday"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 18:09:26 GMT

by Nancy Meyers

Neither of these couples had chemistry. Cameron Diaz’s character is obnoxious throughout, and totally awkward with Jude Law’s children, to boot. There was nothing comedic about this film.

Consumed "The Holiday"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 18:09:26 GMT

The Holiday

by Nancy Meyers

NOT WORTH IT!

Consumed "The Double Life of Veronique"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 16:02:39 GMT

The Double Life of Veronique

by Krzysztof Kieslowski

WORTH IT!

Consuming "The Ship That Sailed into the Living Room: Sex and Intimacy Reconsidered"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 23:40:30 GMT

The Ship That Sailed into the Living Room: Sex and Intimacy Reconsidered

by Sonia Johnson

Consumed "Maggie & Annie"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 04:35:55 GMT

Maggie & Annie

by Kimberly K. Wilson

NOT WORTH IT!

How "Maggie & Annie" changed my life

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 04:35:55 GMT

Maggie & Annie

by Kimberly K. Wilson

Up until tonight, The Cable Guy was the worst movie I’d ever seen. But I have reached a new low.

1) constant, nondescript, third-strig lesbian folk music (and random kokopelli) throughout the ENTIRE movie, with no correlation to scene
2) sound quality so terrible, you can hear cars throughout, and some parts are deafening, others are whispers
3) Terrible camera angles. The close-ups are way too close… lots of cut-off chins.
4) psychotic psychotherapist
5) boring-as-ef sex scenes
6) CRYING KISSING. No more crying kissing in lesbian movies! Just say no!
7) Really bad acting. Really really bad.
8) The least flattering wardrobe ever. Movie came out in 2002. There’s no excuse, people.
9) OVERACTING
10) stupid cliches like: “I loved you the first second I saw you” and “I was never attracted to a woman before you…”
11) The annoying eyebrow-raising schmuck friend who you want to punch
12) A whole lot more that you’d have to watch the movie for.

But all of these things I could handle in small doses. Listen, I’m someone who genuinely LIKES low culture, and I hated this movie. This is because instead of being the 20-minute short film it should have been, it was stretched to a dreadful 120 minutes. At least 40% of the scenes aren’t needed. 90% of the scenes are way, way too long. The pauses between lines of dialogue are too long, too. How many melodramatic facial expressions do we need to know that they’re having a hard time? Yes. It’s tough. We get it. Now spit out your lines.

This movie is only for the bravest of the brave, for the true, diehard fans of bottom-barrel low culture. It won’t be pretty. Whatever you do, do not watch this alone.

Here is something you can do to help you make this movie more bearable. Make Dyke Movie Bingo Boards with the following spaces on them:
1) denim vests
2) special sexy candle time (breast fondling and fade to candles)
3) generic folk music
4) Miller Lite
5) softball, rugby or basketball
6) falling for your best friend
7) crying-kissing
8) gay bashing
9) mechanics/car repair
10) jealous/befuddled boyfriend/husband
11) mullets
12) matching lesbo couple hair
13) skeezy chick at bar
14) love at first sight
15) “you turned me gay”
16) overexplanation of lesbian motifs

Godspeed.

Consuming "The Collector's Edition of Victorian Lesbian Erotica"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 03:41:31 GMT

The Collector's Edition of Victorian Lesbian Erotica

by Major Caritilie

Consuming "The Lizzie McGuire Show Boxed Set - Volume One"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 01:22:33 GMT

The Lizzie McGuire Show Boxed Set - Volume One

by Brian K. Roberts

Consumed "Strangers with Candy"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 00:54:47 GMT

Strangers with Candy

Consumed "Erotic Massage DVD: The Touch of Love"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 00:54:17 GMT

Erotic Massage DVD: The Touch of Love

by Ph.D. Kenneth Ray Stubbs

WORTH IT!

Consumed "King Corn"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 06:17:46 GMT

King Corn

NOT WORTH IT!

Consuming "A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers: A Novel"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 03:13:33 GMT

A Concise Chinese-English Dictionary for Lovers: A Novel

by Xiaolu Guo

Consuming "The Melancholy of Anatomy: Stories"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 14:56:58 GMT

The Melancholy of Anatomy: Stories

by Shelley Jackson

Consuming "War Talk"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 13:09:29 GMT

War Talk

by Arundhati Roy

Consumed "Paris Je T'Aime"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 12:29:12 GMT

Paris Je T'Aime

by Alexander Payne

WORTH IT!

Consumed "Birth"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 17:55:22 GMT

Birth

by Jonathan Glazer

WORTH IT!

Consuming "Unaccustomed Earth"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 02:01:38 GMT

Unaccustomed Earth

by Jhumpa Lahiri

Consumed "Love Potion #9"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 02:00:48 GMT

Love Potion #9

by Dale Launer

NOT WORTH IT!

Consumed "Twilight"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 02:24:05 GMT

Twilight

by Stephenie Meyer

NOT WORTH IT!

Consuming "The Secret"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Mon, 12 May 2008 02:20:12 GMT

The Secret

A story about "Chained Girls / Daughters of Lesbos (Something Weird)"

nobody@allconsuming.net (stilettopimps) — Thu, 08 May 2008 01:39:50 GMT

Chained Girls / Daughters of Lesbos (Something Weird)

by Joseph P. Mawra

Chained Girls is a wildly biased, hilarious and deeply disturbing crack at a documentary about lesbians, made in the mid 60s. This is partially worth watching because it actually gives some vague insight into lesbian life from the time period (a very interesting thing indeed), but is mostly comprised of outrageous stereotypes. If you watch this alone, it will probably depress you. Watch it with a good friend while drinking, and it’ll be hysterical (and yet still disturbing—I warned you). Worth it.