The whole time I was watching this I kept thinking, “This would be so much better as a comic book.” Then I kept thinking, “Hmm, some cool elements here, but overall, a steaming pile.”

Glad I didn’t waste the money at the theater. This story is lugubrious, has inexplicable plot points, and is uninspired. Even the “forbidden love” in the story isn’t so much forbidden, but stupid and short-sighted selfishness. I was with the movie (somewhat reluctantly) until they got back from the tournament in Ireland. After that, pure schlock.

Schlockbuster.

That’s my new word for movies that have an enormous budget but are still awful. This movie has many disappointing parallels with Superman IV, which I watched recently. The notable exception is that Superman IV had it’s budget pulled.

This movie is chock full o’ good actors, a too short running time and a potentially cool story notion, but it fails. Hard. There are gaping story holes, which were painfully apparent. It was based in a fantasy world that seemed to not have been thought out past the lens of the camera. I really hope the book was better (no, it has to be).

I don’t know why studios do this kind of movie: it doesn’t make me want to shell out hard-earned money at the theater. Thank goodness for Netflix and the library.

You know that turn. From so awful to so awful it’s good.

This movie almost made it, but fell short of the glory.

Because I am a glutton for punishment, I watched the commentary too. One of the writers did the commentary and, so it seemed to me, apologized for how awful this movie was. Apparently it was supposed to be higher budget (read: better special effects), but the production company cheaped out.

I mean I laughed lots and lots. Who would have thought that Matt Stone and John Waters might be so funny? With gentle humor, it explained why a certain kind of American movie seems to suck when compared to European movies—though I’ve seen a few stink-bombs from Europe, American movie makers seem to specialize in dreck—despite having a much larger budget. Oh, and there’s a p.i. All sorts of comedy ingredients.

Wait, it’s a documentary. My bad.

But, again, it was pretty telling about how in terms of ratings violence is ok, but real, non-simulated sex is bad. The MPAA’s real purpose, if this movie is any guide, is to limit what stories can be told to American audiences.

Worth seeing.

Ok, I’ll admit, the movie was pretty cool while I was watching it, but upon further reflection I like it less and less. So on one front it worked—it was entertaining. But on another, it was a disappointment.

While I don’t know how accurately Saudi Arabia is portrayed in the film, I do know that it glorified the Americans beyond normal human status (or so it seemed to me). We (the Americans) were the ones who wanted the crime investigated. We were the ones who knew how. We were going to bring justice. That was one gripe.

I also didn’t really go for the hand-held camera thing. So often it doesn’t convey action or confusion or anything. No, too often it conveys that the director doesn’t know how to stage an action scene or build suspense without resorting to cheap tricks that doesn’t give the audience credit to know what is supposed to be action.

By the power of Greyskull!

Really, does it get any better than this? Ron Howard and John Wayne in the same movie. On screen, the same time.

I can think of only one thing.

Having a character named Burly Man. Oh, wait, they’ve got that too.

I laughed until it hurt when Reggie Jackson was destroying mailboxes in the movie. I had to skip back and watch that a few times.

The funniest parts had Reggie Jackson, a non-actor, playing against the actors. The rest of the movie was a diversion while I fed the baby.

Shame.

That’s all I can say. I felt a moderate degree of shame checking out Dumb and Dumberer at the library. I felt even more ashamed when I put it into the DVD player at home. I had sunk to the ninth circle of shame when I lauged out loud at the movie.

But that’s life.