Tastes pretty awful. Okay texture. Didn’t feel like eating for a while afterwards, so either it was nutritionally satisfying, or it made me too ill to contemplate food.

Very sweet. Nice flavor, considering. Texture is odd—very smooth; I couldn’t just wolf it down, had to take teeny little bites. Made me feel kind of sick. 27g total carbs, but supposedly only 3g of carbs impact blood sugar.

Not satisfying. Probably won’t buy it again.

Easy as pie to use. Easy to use with Rhapsody On The Go subscription service; no problems at all. Excellent. I’m very pleased. Navigation could be a little easier, but the menus look good. Not as stylish as some others, but okay-looking. Shaped like an iPod nano—nice feel to the shape and size of it.

Very salty, doesn’t taste like fish at all (obviously will vary between qualities of caviar.) Great stuff. Good on crackers.

Proprietary. Difficult to use, and not compatible with other subscription services. Controls are pointlessly oblique, troubleshooting info is needlessly complicated with conversation and cutesy euphemisms. Style without function. Much happier with the Samsung YP-Z5.

Piece of shit. Takes a regular AA battery. Crashes Rhapsody. Ugly.

This is a comedy, folks. If you’re looking for a typical testosterone-soaked action flick, I wouldn’t suggest this. If you like the kind of Coen Brothers-brand absurdist comedy, you might be interested. It’s not intelligent humor, and nowhere near Coen caliber. Just kind of.. surreally amusing in an understated way.

Put the bunny back in the box!

I have a really unnatural love of soymilk. I drink it because I want to, not because I have to, man.

You have a craving for hotdogs, right? So you go to the grocery store and buy a pack of hotdogs, and a package of buns. But no matter how you make them, they never quite taste like the tasty hotdogs you get from a vendor or a convenience store.

Enter Fast Franks! They taste sooo yummy, just like convenience store hot dogs; and they’re ready to eat in 30 seconds. The best thing is, there’s no package of half-eaten hotdogs getting crusty in your fridge, and no package of too-big buns moldering in your cupboard. A Fast Frank bun perfectly matches the size of the Fast Frank hotdog.

I must admit, when I saw these in the store, I didn’t think much of them. I thought to myself, Self? Why the heck you need individually-wrapped hotdogs. Isn’t that just a little silly and self-indulgent?

Answer: HELL NO. You will need these like breathing. Trust me.

My favorite novel.