Who is this bastard child of Crichton and Patterson, and what have you done with Greg Bear?

Gorgeous, gorgeous movie. Every fold of cloth and every ripple of muscle could not have been used to better visual effect. But I think I am destined to just not get the whole Frank Miller ultraviolence thing. Fine, art is supposed to make you uncomfortable, whatever. But the majority of the battle in this movie is just so… gross. Each pumping, sundered vein is treated by the camera with as much reverence as all that cloth and muscle. After a certain number of improbable blood sprays, you have to wonder what point the artist is trying to make.

I repeat: I just don’t get it.

“Please, call me Totty.” I had to pause the movie so I could try to stop laughing.

I wish I could scrub the unfunny out of my brain. He still has a sweet ass, though.

Holy Fracking Shit!

I think I agree with Neil Gaiman on this one:

“For good or ill the religious allegory, such as it was, went entirely over my head, and it was not until I was about twelve that I found myself realising that there were Certain Parallels… I was personally offended: I felt that an author, whom I had trusted, had had a hidden agenda. I had nothing against religion, or religion in fiction… My upset was, I think, that it made less of Narnia for me, it made it less interesting a thing, less interesting a place.”

I’d previously only read the Lion, the Witch and The Wardrobe, so I’m reading the rest to see if The Allegory still bugs me as much.

Update: Meh. I wasn’t missing much. Lion and Prince Caspian are quite enjoyable, the others not so much.

OMG. It’s an FPS? An FF title is an FPS? WTF?!

(This post brought to you by SFPOCA [the Society For the Proliferation Of Confusing Acronyms])

I made it through about 30 minutes before I turned it off. The only other time I’ve done that with a movie I paid good money to rent was, oddly enough, The Beach, another DiCaprio Vehicle. Now I just avoid movies that he’s in entirely, so hopefully I’ll be safe.

Pure fucking awfulness.

Yet more horror movies that Dan has forced me to watch. I just. Don’t. Like. Them.