...is TOTALLY AWESOME. It feels good to be able to embrace my inner geek again. The movie isn’t perfect but I won’t spoil it for anyone by pointing out the only two flaws in it. If you haven’t seen this movie yet, get out and see it. It’s money well spent. I haven’t been this excited for a movie release in a really long time. And I’ll most likely go to see it on the big screen again.

I don’t get it. This movie is slow and boring except for “the infected.” There are a couple of chuckles here and there like when Will Smith tries to befriend some mannequins in a video store or when he recites, word-for-word, lines from the movie Shrek. The scary parts gave my date an excuse to cuddle up close to me which, in this case, did make the whole thing worthwhile. However, had I not been out with an adorable girl who wanted to see this movie, I never would have watched it. If you’re the type who finds it entertaining to jingle change in your pocket, you’ll love this movie.

If you’re looking for a fun summer movie to dazzle you with special effects, Transformers is your movie. The plot is thin but strong enough to hold—just remember to buy into it and leave the petty grievances behind. The main character, Sam (Shia LaBeouf), is pretty well developed and is certainly a good centerpiece for the drama. LaBeouf plays an awkward teenager very well and is genuinely funny without being pathetic. However, the robot characters are simply plot tools helping to carry the story but investing nothing in terms of emotional connection. The original cartoon series showcased the robots (both Autobots and Diseptikons) as realistic characters with individual personalities. Their personalities, in fact, were the main draw. Imagine the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles kicking Shredder’s ass without the witty one-liners, pizza eating, skateboarding and video game playing. It’s just not the same. It’s just not as fun. The filmmakers surrendered a golden opportunity to bring out such a character in Sam’s car named Bumble Bee. They dodge the goofball factor by not stooping to cartoon-like body language and facial expressions but end up losing a lot of that vital connection. It is fun, however, to see the Transformer Camaro feign mechanical malfunctions and tune in appropriate 80’s hits on the radio to help prod Sam along with the beautiful Mikaela (Megan Fox). All in all: it’s a decent way to flee the heat on a hot summer’s day.

If you’re reading this entry based on the headline, that action alone leads me to believe you’ll love this movie. If I could shrink myself to a few inches in height and swim around inside a Mrs. Butterworth’s bottle, it would feel just like watching this movie. I’m saying the movie is S-A-P-P-Y, folks! I mean, I like a movie with heart and a deeper level to it but this is overboard. The sad thing is, it wouldn’t have seemed overboard if the shifts from the dramatic to the comedic were better balanced. Moods swing literally from bereaved to jovial within the same scene without motivation. Although the characters’ feelings of instability carry over to the audience, it leaves you doubting that these characters would actually react in these ways. Final Word?: Cool for whiny chicks, gay guys and closet gays but any self-respecting man would skip it (unless he’s seeing it to get his wife/girlfriend/date into bed).

This is a welcome attempt to tell a series of dramatic stories in an interesting and unique manner. I certainly appreciate the romanticism of the idea, location, situations and characters but found the handling of each, especially with respect to the artistic nuances, to be over-reaching. A bit more subtlety would have softened the blows of the bludgeoning of borderline pomposity. Also, a bit more introspection with the main characters and exploration of their dramatic situations would have allowed the audience to relate on a deeper level. All that being said, it was not a bad movie but may have had a more powerful impact as a novel.

Alright, I’m usually a good judge of crap when I see it but the trailer for The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer actually looked really cool. Therein lies the trap. It LOOKS cool but is, in fact, a steaming pile off poo. I had not seen any of the Fantastic Four movies but finally felt compelled to check this one out. Big mistake. Granted this is based on a comic book, but the so-called story of this movie comes off as if it were devised by a 6-year-old comic reader rather than an actual writer. Sometimes goofy, campy movies are fun in a stupid let’s-pretend-we’re-kids-again kind of way. This movie is neither goofy nor fun. It is mind-numbing nonsense revolving around a half-baked plot with a who-gives-a-shit ending.
But let’s not make this an entirely foul review. Some of the action scenes and special effects were really cool, fun AND exciting. Problem is, if you’ve seen the aforementioned trailer, you’ve seen all the entertainment you could possibly extract from this useless chunk of celluloid.
My suggestion? Save your money. Scour your junk drawers for that missing magnifying glass, hold it up to the sky and stare at the sun. Or get an early start on your Independence Day celebration by lighting your M-80’s and sitting on them. You’re brain will thank me. Unless, of course, your head is up your ass. In which case, you will have already seen Rise of the Silver Surfer like I did.

Okay, I had to step up to the plate and be the first to say that this movie was NOT well done. Don’t get me wrong—I’m all for saving the environment, finding alternative fuels, stopping reckless oil consumption, blah blah blah. But this movie is so incredibly one-sided that it made me feel uncomfortable. The other side of the argument is never considered and makes the government, oil industry, auto industry, etc. out to be heartless villains. I happen to agree that decisions were made in favor of shameless self-interest and zero accountability for ethics but without even the slightest attempt at a counter-argument it deflates the effectiveness of the desired message. To aspiring filmmakers: please give your audience the benefit of the doubt that they will reach a valid conclusion with their own minds rather than being spoon fed.