This herbal cleanser from Lush looks like a nugget of purest green, and smells rather disconcertingly like salt and vinegar crisps. But mixing the putty-like squidgy stuff up in the palm of your hand with a drop of warm water and spreading it on your makes you feel like a proper witchy nature girl. It’s surprisingly cleansing and exfoliating but, while it absorbs excess oil, it doesn’t dry my skin out and leave it all tight like some chemical foaming cleansers can. And it lasts for ages cos you only need a chunk the size of a penny at any one time. Heartily recommended for anyone with adult skin like mine, that is, it still gets spots and blackheads but is starting to get on a bit and can’t deal with the over-cleansing of traditional washes for oily skin.

I’m not one of those veggies who weakens at the knees at the smell of a bacon sandwich. But sometimes it can feel like veggie weekend breakfasts – the kind designed to cut greasily through a hangover – are somewhat limited to egg-based dishes and eggs, tasty though they are, can sometimes get a bit samey.

I read somewhere online this week about the headache-curing wonders of fried halloumi sandwiches. This morning I got to test it out. I sliced the halloumi about half a centimetre thick and fried it for about a minute on each side in nice hot olive oil, spiced up with a dash of chilli oil, till it was patched golden on the outside and starting to ooze at the edges. I drained it briefly on kitchen paper and sandwiched it between a couple of slices of wholemeal bread. Because I am a foodie and I can’t help myself, I spread one slice with harissa and added some fresh coriander.

Oh my god, the nearest thing to a bacon sandwich I’ve had since I was 12 and ate an actual bacon sandwich. It has a meaty, satisfying texture, which squeaks disconcertingly against your teeth. It’s salty, savoury and, when fried, oily enough to really hit the hangover spot. Really filling too, and I imagine it would really hold its own in a BLT. Like bacon, it can be grilled if you’re feeling healthy, but if you’re hungover you’re probably up late enough to skip lunch and combine both calorie/fat counts into one meal. Ace.

Forget all those flimsy, artificial pretendy bacon slices and get yourself a packet of halloumi. Once opened it needs using within three days, but an unopened packet lasts for 12 months in the fridge and you never know when you might feel crappy enough to need it. But once you’ve had one you might want to get hungover on purpose, just so you’ve got an excuse. That’s what I’ll be doing tonight.

Well, so far it’s so schmaltzy it’s regularly making me do a little bit of sick into my mouth.

Ohhh…

Well, I’ve just spent about an hour and a half in the bath, and I’m as comforted as can be. Lovely soft longlasting bubbles, and while it smells really really strongly of Bassett’s Refreshers (mmm, Refreshers, lovely) in the bag, the aroma is a lot subtler once you get it in the bath in the bath. It was very softening on the skin, and while they might seem quite pricey, you only really need a quarter to a third of one for a whole bath, which is pretty good value considering they’re completely natural. And it turned the water completely pink!

Despite looking just like a teeny weeny banana, it apparently said on the shelves at Tesco that this “tastes like an apple!”

Well, it doesn’t. It tastes like a banana, only not for as long. Two bites and it’s gone. Bananas for people who ain’t got time to bleed. They’re cute, though! Awww!

It has a grapefruity sharpness on first bite, but that soon fades and you’re left with a very juicy but rather watery and bland citrus with a tough skin. Nice enough but I wouldn’t bother if they weren’t on special offer.

Chocolate… and a toy?

Yes. Crap, waxy-tasting chocolate, and a rubbishy little plastic toy that will really hurt when, having left it on the floor for want of anything else to do with it, you stand on it in bare feet.

Well… it was just as dumb and formulaic as I expected, but not quite as fun. Worth seeing just for the awfulness, but mostly… Oh, OK, it was just shit. I’m glad I saw it, but only cos it set my mind at ease about it being shit.

I once ate so many that my thumbs were bleeding from opening them. But that didn’t stop me. Addictive.

I thought I hated okra, though I hadn’t tried it since I was a child. But thanks to this place it turns out I like it after all. Hooray, one more veg to add the the very long like list.