This has absolutely nothing to do with the first Are You Scared, except that someone says the words “reality show” and it features the same cameras.

This film is terrible, but in a lovely incomprehensible way. Why is the exit on the third floor of the building? Why is there a guy in a Predator mask? Why are there giraffes wandering around? Why does no one in the film comment on the fact there are giraffes wandering around? Who cares? Tony Todd’s gone batshit insane and is offering his victims tea and assuring them he’s not a kangaroo. I love you, Tony Todd.

I liked this movie better when it was called Saw and didn’t feature terrible special effects and terrible acting and a terrible plot.

What? What the hell did I just watch?

Pee. Astral projection. Naked dwarf. Black holes. Time travel. More pee. Orgies. Spanking. Masonic cults. Purple velvet pimp suit. Shakespeare. Virtual reality suit. Satanism. Uncertainty principle. School newspaper. More sex. More pee. Drugs. Chess. Quantum. E=mc2. Hypnotism. Boobies. Al Gore. Abyss.

If…if anyone can arrange the above into a plot that actually makes sense, I would appreciate it.

Endings won so far:

Street performer
Housewife
Writer
High-class prostitute
Princess

I was trying to get nun with the street performer one. Cause, you know, juggling fire and playing a tambourine? Very close to being a nun. Very close.

Near impossible to play without the money/item cheats, or maybe I just suck at this game.

Troll 2 is the ultimate. Not the ultimate anything, just the ultimate period.

The silliest of silly science fantasy, to the point where you will actually really enjoy how over the top it is. (Four hands? Those blades of grass? Really? Really?) Around the halfway point, the terrible plot will trump the silliness and you will go from amused to facepalming.

Gratuitous film is gratuitous. I mean amazingly so. The chickfights are extended and chickfighty. The sci-fi fashion evolution remains constant: Men of the future wear different coats, women of the future wear random strips of fabric and strings of beads. Which is handy when the camera so often seems to meander under and between legs for jumps and flips.

Last but not least, the anti-Oscar for most flat and wholly unemotional “No!” goes tooooo…Marton Csokas! Seriously, dude, it’s a major plot point in the film and you sound like you don’t want fries with that.

This is the best worst horror movie I’ve seen in a long time. Freaking hilarious.

Good, particularly for a debut film. Nothing original, including the ending, but very atmospheric and low-key. The director really knows how to build up a simple scene.

This is the greatest film ever made.

In history.

No disputing.

The forerunner of Rock and Rule is a musical retelling of Faust with hippie mice.

It almost makes sense, if you think about it.

Bonus: First appearance of the Nelvana logo.