when i read how nicolae ordered everything in the vatican destroyed. all the religious artifacts, all the books, it reminded me of how the taliban ordered the giant buddhas destroyed. it makes me sad.

in this book we really get to see nicolae as the devil incarnate, and his personality really starts to shine through. such arrogance! i thought it was interesting to read. to have plans to slaughter a pig on the site of the holy temple. to parade around on it down the Via Dolorosa. how can people think that God would make them take this mark of loyalty and if they do not they will be beheaded? such arrogance. we lose a semi- major character in this one, which i was not expecting. the only thing i did not like about this installment was it seemed like everything was crunched into it in the end. i felt like i was getting too much action in such a small time frame. the first half flowed nicely then the second half was just too condensed.

in chapter 2 i was pleasantly surprised to find rayford practicing opposite action. i have been a member of a dbt group for a little over 2 years now and this is one of our exercises. it consists, as rayford says, ”... his “opposite trigger” mode, and while in it, he forced himself to respond in ways diametrically opposed to how he felt. If he wanted to shout, he whispered. If he wanted to smack someone, he gently caressed his or her shoulder.” it’s hard to do, especially in the moment but it works. this book came at a time when i really needed forgiveness in my life. for others, not myself. letting go can be a hard thing but holding on to anger and hurt is worse. i know this, yet it still is v. hard to forgive. this helped me, ”’...Love forives all.’” ”’He basically says that if we forgive others, God will forgive us, but if we don’t forgive others, neither will God forgive us.’” seems like a lot of pressure but i don’t think it was meant that way.