How disappointing. The gist of the story that’s being covered is fascinating: how this 21-year-old Macedonian king went on to conquer a good chunk of the known world before he was 30. He seemed less interested in taking advantage of his new subjects or the wealth of their land than he was in creating a legend by legacy: building a string of cities (Alexandrias, all), educating the people, bringing culture and learning across Europe and Asia.

Driven to explore, to reach the end of the world, Alexander ignored the wishes of his men to just settle for what they’d already conquered and return home. Eventually, however, even his all-consuming dream had to meet its limitations.

Given such scope of story, the film fell utterly flat. The family dynamics and politics were almost explored, but not quite. The film descends into several hours of large, ‘impressive’ battle scenes, interspersed with Alexander (Colin Farrell) making sad cow eyes at his lover (Jared Leto). Urm… hello?!! Can we get back to the story, please, or at least chop an hour off the film? I have zero problem with the ‘homosexual overtones’ (hah!) but the six hundredth longing look got very dull.

The casting was a mistake, too, in my opinion. Farrell looks demented and upset rather than fierce, riding wide-eyed into battle. And why-oh-why do all these Greeks have Irish accents? And what’s with all the eyeliner?! Jared Leto’s Hephaistion looks like he’s come from a Cure concert, all stringy hair and smudged eyes!

No, this is a film that tries to be a spectacle, and just ends up making a spectacle of itself. Such a disappointment!