Another great comic book series adapted into another awful film. I do not know what looked cornier, The Thing’s rock suit or Jessica Alba’s blue-green contact lenses. This movie almost hurt to watch. I will admit that the special effects were pretty cool. I mean, the Human Torch and Silver Surfer duking it out looked convincing. The acting, plot and costumes? Not so much.

Alright, I’m usually a good judge of crap when I see it but the trailer for The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer actually looked really cool. Therein lies the trap. It LOOKS cool but is, in fact, a steaming pile off poo. I had not seen any of the Fantastic Four movies but finally felt compelled to check this one out. Big mistake. Granted this is based on a comic book, but the so-called story of this movie comes off as if it were devised by a 6-year-old comic reader rather than an actual writer. Sometimes goofy, campy movies are fun in a stupid let’s-pretend-we’re-kids-again kind of way. This movie is neither goofy nor fun. It is mind-numbing nonsense revolving around a half-baked plot with a who-gives-a-shit ending.
But let’s not make this an entirely foul review. Some of the action scenes and special effects were really cool, fun AND exciting. Problem is, if you’ve seen the aforementioned trailer, you’ve seen all the entertainment you could possibly extract from this useless chunk of celluloid.
My suggestion? Save your money. Scour your junk drawers for that missing magnifying glass, hold it up to the sky and stare at the sun. Or get an early start on your Independence Day celebration by lighting your M-80’s and sitting on them. You’re brain will thank me. Unless, of course, your head is up your ass. In which case, you will have already seen Rise of the Silver Surfer like I did.

The main problem with this film is that it’s too short and felt like it was a first draft, not a fully fleshed out story. It was good, funny, but not great or hilarious. The special effects and abilities were well done but needed to be emphasized more in battle, less in everyday situations. The whole “how can we have a normal life?” angst has been done so many times, in Superman, Spider-man, etc… Not horrible, but it could have been better.

the best bit of this is the chase with silver surfer and the torch, and that bit’s on the trailer!