Forget all your fancy pansyass coffee — this is the real stuff. Manly soldiers drank this in the harsh wintry forests of the Ardennes, before kicking some Nazi butt! What else could you ask from your morning beverage? I ask you.

Besides, this stuff is so lightweight, you can hump it anywhere. All you need is water!

Also, I am too cheap to buy a coffeemaker. This stuff is a bit of mid-twentieth-century heaven. Keeps forever, too, not like wussy coffeebeans that lose “flavor,” and “freshness.”