Alright, I’m usually a good judge of crap when I see it but the trailer for The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer actually looked really cool. Therein lies the trap. It LOOKS cool but is, in fact, a steaming pile off poo. I had not seen any of the Fantastic Four movies but finally felt compelled to check this one out. Big mistake. Granted this is based on a comic book, but the so-called story of this movie comes off as if it were devised by a 6-year-old comic reader rather than an actual writer. Sometimes goofy, campy movies are fun in a stupid let’s-pretend-we’re-kids-again kind of way. This movie is neither goofy nor fun. It is mind-numbing nonsense revolving around a half-baked plot with a who-gives-a-shit ending.
But let’s not make this an entirely foul review. Some of the action scenes and special effects were really cool, fun AND exciting. Problem is, if you’ve seen the aforementioned trailer, you’ve seen all the entertainment you could possibly extract from this useless chunk of celluloid.
My suggestion? Save your money. Scour your junk drawers for that missing magnifying glass, hold it up to the sky and stare at the sun. Or get an early start on your Independence Day celebration by lighting your M-80’s and sitting on them. You’re brain will thank me. Unless, of course, your head is up your ass. In which case, you will have already seen Rise of the Silver Surfer like I did.